come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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