Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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