I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
