Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
