I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
