I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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