dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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