she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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