i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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