Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize