I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
