Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
