Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
