): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize