In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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