i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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