Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
