Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
