So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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