Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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