I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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