yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
