Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
