She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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