i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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