can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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