Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
