Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
