dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
