Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
