When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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