she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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