Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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