I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
