I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
