She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
