When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
