Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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