don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
