Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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