He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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