He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
