a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
