exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
