you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need a burrito and a hug.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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