He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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