I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He shit in the fireplace
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
