these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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