I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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