My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Everclear isn't food dammit
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
