Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
