When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
