i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
