I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
