Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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