Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
