my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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