Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
