Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
