I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
