so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
