she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
