i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
