One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
