"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
