What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
