she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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