so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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