Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he shaved USA in his pubs
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
