Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
