Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
